[Mood] Upset from not getting reply

So upset from not getting reply!

Checked mail box for the first time

Then checked it for the second time

Then did the same thing again

Then again...

So upset from this. Where are you?

The mail box just stares at me with a blank, numb "no mail" showing.

It's almost like a slap on face when you expect to get a reply but none.

None!

I think I miss the movie you've got mail by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

[Thoughts] Handle Rejection Well

Yes! We all have the experience of being rejected. What do we do with it? We handle it well. We face the fact that the person in front of me is not ready to accept me or my idea. But I'm still great. I move on, I find something else to do. Not to fear rejection, then you'll be brave enough to chase anything in your life. And yes, today I was rejected by my crush. I'm proud of that because I gave myself a shot, and took the result well.

[Mood] For Anyone Who Texts a Lot Messages

For anyone who texts a lot messages - never text someone if you care for his/her response too much. Text messages are only for the situation that you can live with or without him/her. If you don't take this advice you'll find - eventually - you are always thinking about "Why don't I have any response? What is he/she doing?" So, please protect yourself from this kind of hurting incident. Be nice to yourself and select people you text to wisely.

[Mood] Drifting Boat

I'm like a drifting boat
Up and down in the ocean of life
Wondering which way to go
Which island to stop by
Which place I can nest
Which friend I call best

A drifting boat I am

[Thoughts] I just need to say this.

I just need to say this, then I'll let it go. But before I let it go, I need to say this!

I have this weird habit for a long time. I always try to do things in my own ways, regardless of what other people suggest. I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I comfort myself by saying: it just means being more experimental, which is a good thing", but I know it's not true. I want myself to be like everyone else, to be a person who blends in, who fits into the society, which is a really difficult thing for me. I've studied sociology and want to know what's wrong with me, but that did't help much. I don't think I'm sick, because I can still function normally. But I'm weird, I just stand out in the crown effortlessly, and not the kind of stand out that makes people admire; rather, it's the kind of stand out that makes people uncomfortable. Also, I'm so afraid of people saying words. I always have an urge to wipe those words out.

Okay, or maybe I'm sick. Because I'm so weird! Why can't I be like everyone else? I just want a normal life, and stop thinking. Stop letting people hurt me, especially people who know nothing about me. Yeah...that's the thing I need. I'll state them clearly:

1. I'll stop taking words personally from anyone that knows nothing about me.
2. I'll try to respect my own uniqueness, and try the best to respect others' uniqueness.
3. I'll protect myself. I'll stop doing whatever I want for an experiment then hurt myself badly.

Okay. Good. Now I go to bed and sleep, and tomorrow I'll try my best enjoying myself in the amusement park.

[Mood] Blown Away

You know what it is like to be blown away. First you feel a lil' depressed and upset. Then you have your favorite comfort song played, but it just ain't right. Finally you randomly find something and give it a shot. Then you're blown away by a soothing voice that you haven't expected. This kind of being blown away is what I am feeling right now.

[Mood] Shocking

Randomly flipped through my old diary and found that once when I was in love I said "your voice is my prozac". God I'm gonna throw up...who is it to say this kind of thing in my journal anyway? Even though it's a pretty old one. Nearly ancient. But I still can't believe that I was that kind of person, that kind of existence! Willing to do crazy things for love, or stuff like that. Hell.

[Journal] 自由工作者Free Lancer

從一般上班族變成自由工作者
From ordinary office worker to free lancer

失去了公司的保護
Protection is lost, insurance is lost, pension is lost

走在非社會主流的路徑上
Walking alone on a trail, not a mainstream trail

已經預料到這不會是一個引起掌聲的決定
Already anticipated this decision is not gonna resonate any clapping hands

但是這個決定的形成明確地令我無法不去正視
But this decision is forming into such a clear shape that I can't look away from it

我從堅固的小島跳下
I jumped from a solid island

到漂泊的小船上
To a drifting boat

空氣是自由的
The air is free and fresh

未來是不可知的
The future is unknown

此時此刻是屬於我的
The moment belongs to me, and only me

[Mood] Regrets - some other regrets

the past is past
the good times are all memories
those times when we were friends
those times are gone
if I was not me
would you love me?
if not being me can win your love
would I give up being myself?

[Journal] Interviews

Recently I started giving pre-interview chances to people who are interested.
Take this from me: the employer is continuously evaluating you way before you open your mouth!
So, show me some attitude, and give it a shot!

[Mood] Regret

One of my biggest time of regret is now! I'm full of regrets. I regret that I didn't handle the things between us better. I also regret that I always expect you to do something that is beyond your knowledge. Lastly, I regret that I expected too much of you. I regret so much things.

How I wish I were a better person, someone who is always calm and smart.

[Digest] The Three Levels of Your Career Goals

The passage is a digest from this magazine. I have not originated these ideas.

Level 1 - team member

First, you not only just do your job right, you also have to be a good team member. you have passion, dedicate to the team. you care about what other team members do, you help others, sometimes you receive help in turn. you consider things from the standpoint of the whole team, not from your self. you build and maintain relationships with others.

Level 2 - manager

Then, you learn to know what your team members are good at, or not capable of. you delegate missions, you distribute tasks. you not only manage the team, you also manage yourself. you manage your time and your emotions. you are always aware that you have to be other members' role model. you have integrity.

Level 3 - leader

In the end, you not only just distribute tasks. you have a clear vision of where should the whole company heads for. you decide things, and you are determined to achieve something. you know the trend, the dynamics. you not only manage well of yourself and the whole team, you also know which is the right direction to go.

[Digest] The Four Levels of Interpersonal Relationships

Note: this is a digest from this blog. I do not own this original idea.

Level 1 - hidden self

usually happens when you first meet someone and you want to appear in a good impression. you may try to be someone you're not or exaggerate some of your talks and acts.

Level 2 - blind self

usually happens when you think you're doing a good job hiding yourself, but actually the one in front of you has already seen through you and discover some of your idiosyncrasies or even the dark side of your heart.

Level 3 - unknown self 

after a while, when you gradually lose the energy of pretending yourself, you and the other person discover something that you don't know about yourself before you two have met. something that neither you two have discovered before but happened after you know each other a while. For instance, you actually like watching ball games or studying overnight, or you actually enjoy being bossed around. Anything.

Level 4 - open self

you two understand each other. you are wholly accepted and feel secured. your expectations usually are met. you understand the other person, and the other person understands you.

[Journal] Morning in the Office

Wow, it's been a month since my last article! How time flies! I'm now sitting in my office, relaxed, enjoying the moment. Right on my desk is a cup of freshly made soybean milk, and the also freshly made fruit sandwich is waiting in my purse. Ah! What a life! Today, I think I'm gonna achieve great things, I'm gonna successfully complete my tasks, I 'm also gonna do something new to help our project run better. Cheers to the morning! Cheers for life, for staying alive!

[電影英文台詞] 活個痛快 (+ 英文觀後心得)

中文片名：活個痛快 / 偷天換日

英文片名：50/50 / A Man on the Ledge

50/50, a movie starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogan, Anna Kendrick. I've loved Joseph since 500 Days of Summer, and Inception. Love Seth Rogan because of Knocked Up and Funny People. I noticed Anna Kendrick in Twilight, and have been attracted by her accent since then.

"Why do you spend every night in my bed?" is the line Adam (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) says when he finds his girlfriend has been cheating on him. I was so touched by this scene. At the moment, I realized that when a man loves you, he can be very nice and can do anything for you. He will plan thins for you and plan your life into his life. But once he finds the truth that you're not being honest with him, he can accept the fact and take his love back, even if that hurts so much, he is still capable of taking his love back. Sometimes I have to admit men accept truth quicker than women do. They just accept it. They normally don't dwell on the past. I have a lot to think about after seeing this movie.

Another movie I saw was A Man on the Ledge, which was good, too. It lifted my spirit to fight, or maybe fight harder.

[Thoughts] Me, and My Mother's Last Name

Gender inequality issues have received more and more attention in the past decades, one of them being whether the child's last name follows from the father's last name or the mother's, another of them being whether to change to the husband's last name or not after a woman got married.

As far as I know, in the U.S., it's customary for a woman to use her father's last name before marriage and her husband's after marriage. I believe the same rule generally applies to most of other European countries. In Taiwan, nowadays, women under 50 rarely use their husbands' last name, at least not anymore. In 2011, there are two new policies regulating the use of one's last name. One is allowed to freely change one's last name to the mother's last name, but this option can only be practiced once, which means you can't change back. Another policy states that, a new born baby does not use the father's last name by default anymore. Rather, the couple discuss whose last name to use, or the government will decide for you. (I believe most couples will decide for themselves, so the government does not really play an important role in naming. )

Some of the comments can be heard in my life. A male professor said during the class: "Of course I would use my own last name to name my son instead of using my wife's. There's no big deal in this issue, so why bother to change?" A female stylist said during my haircut: "The new policy is not good. How can we distinguish the family one is from if one's last name can either be father's or mother's? What if we married our relative?" A female technician working in a motorcycle shop said "Yes, nowadays people are more willing to accept these kinds of things. There's nothing wrong with it." A female teacher said: "Why would anyone wants to change the last name into the mother's last name?"

At least, I'd say, people in Taiwan have an option, something that people in the U.S. do not have. Gender equality does not necessarily follow from the change of one's last name, of course. It goes too far to say Taiwan is more developed than the U.S. on this issue, but still, I'm very glad we have options.

2013/10/06 added:
By the way... it's a common scene that husband call his newly-wed as "Mrs. XXX" and the wife will feel flattered and very sweet...(of losing her original last name?) Never had the talent to appreciate these kinds of joy...

[Journal] Went to the Doctor But Did Not Take the Medicine

I went to the doctor yesterday for itching on my head and went again for aching in my jaw.

Until now I haven't taken the medicine...so why bother?

I guess once I know my illness is not serious, it naturally cures itself...

[Thoughts] Marketing & Career Books

I'm interested in marketing and workplace rules recently, so as to be more prepared for my future position. Today I'll introduce three books, the first one is written by the current chief manager of Ogilvy. Ogilvy is a well-known marketing company and has a good reputation among enterprises. The author, Jennifer, shares her experiences of how to make the best of life and reach a balance between different aspects in life. The main idea of this book is to let readers know, if you use the right method and have the right attitude, you can achieve all the good things in one lifetime, instead of taking career over family or vice versa.

The second book was read yesterday, not today. It belongs to a series of books, and was recommended by a fellow on ptt. The books teaches you how to sell things effectively. The part that I felt mostly impressed, was that not to make friends with customers. You may try to make friends with customers, but you both know it's not real. So in the end, you didn't make friends with the customer and you didn't sell things. The failure is doubled. I haven't finished this book yet, because this book is of high density and I have to digest it slowly. I will find time to finish it and I hope I can finish the whole series one day.

The third book was not finished , either. But that was because I got a little bored. The concepts are quite inspiring actually. The book teaches you to divide your bosses and colleagues, or anyone you meet in the workplace, into "parent" and "child". Parents could be harsh parents or other kinds, which I forgot by now. Children could be conformative children or naughty children. And the book teaches you how to interact with people according to these types. That way, you can get along with them more smoothly. The useful aspect of this book is that, it provides the actual sentences and examples, instead of abstract concepts or raw theories.  On the second thought, this book is not so bad.

[Thoughts] Accept the Past, and Maybe Embrace It

I suddenly have this feeling, that I need to say it right now. I need to write it down, and let people know what I think. At least to remind the future me what I think right now.

I was surfing the net and nonchalantly reading my fb friend's status update. Her father commented on her status update, and I was like, "Gees, your father talks exactly the way you talk! That explains something, I finally know where you got your style from!"

Let's assume the fb friend's name to be Pathetic, which actually is not true but sort of captures some of her features. I did not like Pathetic the first day I met her at school. I could not expain why. Maybe it was because she claimed and pretended to be the Ms. Know-it-All, Ms. Look-How-Hot-I-Am, Ms. Why-Don't-We-Dress-Less-and-Get-Naked, blah blah. Things got worse when we happen to take the same optional course, like the same guy(who later became her boyfriend), want to be BFF with the same girl(who later became my BFF), choose the same advisor(who permitted me to graduate within 2.5 years whilst looked at her struggling helplessly), like the same food in the cafeteria(which did not cause any problem because we had plenty of them).

Lunch time, I need to get some.
I'll quickly wrap this up. The thing is, I've always been upset that we went to the same school so that people would think that we belong to the same level. I know I might make myself much more miserable than her just by saying this. But I won't be surprised if you have the same feeling with me. Who wants to be classified to the same group with someone you particularly don't like?
Oh, and I just want to say that I don't care about going to the same school anymore. I'm just me and she's just her. I can accept this fact now. As long as I can prove myself and accept myself, why care the school name? It's just a degree. Who doesn't have one? The thing that matters more is to know what you can do and do it.

[Journal] Evening in Xin-Yi Eslite Bookstore

My mother asked me to do her a favor in Xin-Yi District. After that, I went to Xin-Yi eslite bookstore and read some books. I looked around in different areas and saw many books. Four of them did I remember particularly, so I'll introduce them here. The first one I introduce here was recommended by my friend. I didn't read it, but since my friend strongly praised it, I decided to introduce it as well. The title of this book is "Boomerang: Travels in the New Third World", and the author is Michael Lewis.

圖1  Michael Lewis的書《自食惡果》

My friend told me, Michael Lewis is also the author of "Moneyball". My friend really liked books by Michael Lewis and wanted to buy "Boomerang". I suggested we buy it next time since none of us carry a bag, and to carry a book by hand would be too troublesome. If we ask for a bag from the store, that would be a waste, too. The second book is a Japanese book. The title of the book means "single life all along". The author is an illustrator and a free writer. She has published a series of illustrated books describing the happiness and sorrow in her life. This book, "Single Life all along", is the latest one of the same series.

圖2  深澤直子的書《每天都是一個人》

I've been enjoying and admiring this author for a long time. Actually, I've read many books written / illustrated by her. This time, we had so much pleasure reading her book, too. We giggled together at every laughing point in the book. The author imagined that her 3 goldfish could talk. The 3 goldfish always say funny things and make us laugh. The characters are cute, too, including the author's Mom. Look at the cover of this book, you can see the three goldfish, the messy room of the author, and also the optimistic atmosphere. Also, the author is 37 years old and is not married. Aging always makes women feel anxious more often than men. She talks about some feelings of aging and being single, but in a fun and confident way, and makes me feel related to her. That's another reason I like this book. The third book is about interpersonal skills. Its title is "Interpersonal Mind Tricks That Everyone Knows But You". The author is Bow-Ling Wang.

圖3 王寶玲的書《懂的人都不說的社交心理詭計》

This is a good book, it covers a wide range of tips and skills when you deal with interpersonal relationships. However, I found the interior layout in this book not attractive at all. And that stopped me from loving this book the way it deserved. I still like this book, but I feel bad it could not be edited and presented in a more personable way. You'll understand when you see it. The fourth book is also illustrated like the second one. The theme of the fourth book is about Female dressing style in Paris.

圖4  米澤的書《不跟潮流的巴黎流》

I read this book because I wanted to get some inspirations. The pictures in this book are nice. The basic tone of this book is simple and easy to read. This is something you want when you are in a train station or waiting in line in a hospital. I like it actually, but I think the author can elaborate more on the essential spirit of  fashion style in Paris. But maybe this is not what the author wants to do.

So, as above, these are the four books that drew my attention today in the bookstore. How about you?